The Mind's "I"

as many have pointed out, the mind is indeed a powerful creator; it writes happy stories and scary stories. today the story was a scary one, that ended as happy one. in reaction to a woman on a tv program describing her experience with an illness, my mind presented me with the thought "what if that were happening to me?!", and using fear as a motivator, adroitly guided me into manifesting evidence of the very thing i feared...i experienced physical symptoms exactly like she described. illness personified as a terrifying beast, robbed me of all reason, all control, driving me to a flight/fight level of anxiety. i suddenly lost my appetite for dinner i had just prepared and had been ravenous for only an hour before. i welcomed an early bedtime for sleep's escape.


when i woke up this morning, although the anxiety was at a more manageable level, the beast was still there. i went for an early morning walk, where i am most at peace and open to insight. and insight came. i realized that while this experience was not new, watching it was. i knew i had a choice. which one had more power? the "i" that lives with love or the "i" that lives with fear? i began to move my thoughts and feelings into a state of well-being. whatever state of being we allow, feeds on itself. the more i came out of my head to appreciate the nature that was there to me in that moment, the more i smiled. the more i smiled, the better i felt.


over the course of this day, i profoundly experienced the power of the mind - it's clever ability to think its movie into reality. it wasn't something "out there" that triggered me, it was "i" who triggered me. i was a victim of nothing other than my self, my own perception. the struggle for power is an inside job. now i know, and i just need to remember, if something prompts me to action from a negative viewpoint, it ALWAYS comes from fear and requires endless external solutions. in short, whether you give your power over to fear or love...the more you have, the more you have.


it was a relatively familiar script for me, this fear of illness in general, but an odd thing happened this time. while i still offered up a realistic performance of a victim on the screen, i also occupied a seat in the audience.
white knuckled, i watched as fear took hold of the character. and then i watched as it became impotent and let go.